i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
