party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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