omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
