Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
