So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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