It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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