apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
