probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
