nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
