i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize