i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
