wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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