If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
