I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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