do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
