Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
