those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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