Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
