I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
