I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize