pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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