dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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