The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
