I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
