Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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