HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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