member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
