Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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