ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
