I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
