But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
