Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
