We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
