I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have already put on my inside pants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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