i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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