i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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