Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
