For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
