Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
