Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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