Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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