I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
