Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
