I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize