Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
