I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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