quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
