I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found puke in my bra..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
