he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize