if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A+ Viking dick
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
