and she was petting her beer can
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
