i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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