is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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