Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
