I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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