I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
