I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
