wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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