Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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