i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't deserve a penis
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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