Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
