And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
