I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
