If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
