Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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