just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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