my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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