I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
