Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
